I must confess that most of my life I have been an All or Nothing person. And as much as I hate to admit it I was generally a black and white thinker. But as I am settling more and more into motherhood I feel that I have heard the gentle whispers of the Lord to strive more for balance in my life and who I am than continuing the pursuit of perfection.
This mainly surfaces in my life in the area of weight, food, exercise and generally how satisfied I am with just being me. In the last month we joined our local YMCA and I started meeting with a fitness coach/ trainer and each Thursday at 12:00pm I have to weigh in and give an account for my week. Let's just say that while the two previous weeks I did well, this week was not stellar. Knowing how long the road ahead is with the goal of losing 40 pounds I would normally beat myself up for my lack of commitment and strive harder next week to lose 5 pounds when 2 should be a success. But not this time. This time I am committed to being kind to myself and accepting the journey.
What this means for me lived out is that No, I won't be a size 6 by the time we go on either of our family beach vacations pleading for someone to take pictures of me with Will and Zak in a swimsuit. Heck, I may be fighting the urge to simply stay in a cover up the entire time but I will fight that urge as well. Because what I am realizing is how precious this time is that I can NEVER get back. For now, I will continue to fight the good fight. Making an effort to not binge on the weekends only to try to kill myself the following week at the gym eating only salads for every meal, but rather to strive for a reasonable balanced life.
And with the intensity that I am working on the outside of me, I want to measure with a desire to work on my heart as well. Because the world that we live in today says disregard character as long as you look amazing and play the part of a perfectly put together Mom, but God's Word beckons us to reconsider. For "God does not see the same way people see, people look at the outside of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart."(1 Samuel 16:7) I want to be the woman who is more consumed by character than my appearance recognizing that our temple is our whole person.
When I weighed in today I was challenged to focus on who I desire to be over the desire for sweets and fun delicious meals out. How hard this is for me! I wrote out that the Mom I want to be is committed, determined and balanced and so this week I will let those truths win.
Good perspective Caroline.
ReplyDeleteBeing 5 weeks in to an injury and not able to exercise like I prefer, I realized I kinda "worship" my control over weight/size/how clothes fit. I'm so scared to gain all my weight back - dangit, I worked hard to lose 50 lbs!
Right now i have no choice. I'm going to gain weight and the fat is shifting back to spots I've worked so hard to make it leave. It is just happening and God is forcing me to rest and slow down.
Your perspective is so helpful.
Wow Kristin! What a HUGE accomplishment to have lost 50 pounds! I of all people can appreciate the perseverance that took. I know how discouraging and stressful it can feel to not be able to feel in control of your weight. But even now I am reminded how I never was in control of the outcome in the first place. I will certainly be praying that the Lord would fill you with the contentment I am praying for myself! BTW you look amazing in all your pics! You should be VERY proud!
ReplyDeleteCaroline, Well said. Your honesty and candor is admirable. Have you read the book Bittersweet by Niquist? It's not about fitness, but it's about balance and Jesus. I recommend it.
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