I will be the first one to confess that before we had Will I had thoughts on everything! And I was confident that I would adjust to motherhood without a drop of sweat on my brow. How WRONG I was. God had other plans for me. He brought me through one of the toughest seasons of my life (maybe THE toughest.) I had severe postpartum anxiety surrounding the issues of breastfeeding and sleep. Three weeks in, I went one straight week with 45 minutes a day of sleep and thought I was going to lose my mind... that was when everything changed for me...
From that point on the Lord gave me "eye's to see." I could never have fully learned what the Lord had for me to learn apart from walking through that valley. Zak and I have said so many times since that we will make every effort moving forward to never be critical again of new parents who are simply trying to survive this major life transition.
If you found yourself with the text book "easy" baby then you probably won't relate to any of this, but I challenge you to ask the Lord to give you "eyes to see." I have realized that being able to talk with another Mom who "gets it" has been one of the greatest blessings and gifts during this time. Whether she walked through it or not, those who were willing to get in the tranches with me have meant so much.
I have learned to be long suffering with others and to withhold judgement on how others are choosing to raise their families and to extend abundant grace to them along the way... Parenthood is a process and until we see Jesus face to face we will still be learning.
At the end of my life I hope that those who knew me will be able to say. "Caroline walked in grace and gave grace abundantly"
What an amazing gift to give...
"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5: 10
Oh, Caroline....this post brought me to tears. I, too, had a hard time breastfeeding because Sawyer was SO big and there was trauma after he was born. And, I didn't by ANY means have one of those easy babies (Sawyer didn't sleep through the night until he was 11 mo. old!!!) I wish I could've read a post like this when I was going through the first few months of his life. I had so many "offers" from people who could "fix" everything, so I'm so thankful for moms like you who "get it" as you said! Praying for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteLove this and love you even more. You are a wonderful mommy. Will is so happy and healthy and you and Zak have done a great job. It's so nice to be around people who just get the chaos. There were so many times I struggled with feeling like I wasn't doing something right if my baby cried all morning. I've since learned that when you're honest about your reality, it allows others to relate and be honest about their reality, too. And about the whole "let's not judge thing"??? Yes and Amen.
ReplyDeleteCaroline, I stumbled across your blog and loved that this was the post that was up!
ReplyDeleteI, too, remember thinking YEARS ago that I would be a wonderful mom, would do everything right and have perfectly well-mannered kids. HA! Funny how motherhood humbles you, no? If you ever need a mom to hang out with that "gets it", please know you can call on me! I had severe postpartum depression with my first, and struggled with lots of anxiety after my third. (Not sure why my second was a breeze?! He's the hardest one now, maybe that's why!) I also don't breastfeed... I tried with my first two and had such a hard time that I didn't even try with my third. BEST decision EVER! Parenthood is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done, and all the judgement out there doesn't make it any easier. Looks like you're doing a great job... you have a cute little man on your hands! :) Would love to see you soon! Playdate?! :)